A golden opportunity came around today in the form of substantial consulting work. And I declined it. I could have paid off half of my staggering dental bill with this and I really, really needed it, but looking at the work this morning, thinking about my finances, where my career is going, asking myself when the next gig is going to come in, reminding myself of my low bank account balance and high debt, I just broke. I’m sick of working for work all the time, sick of the stress of going through thousand-page documents and wondering if my work justified my pay, just sick of it.
And now I’m stressing because I declined this job and am so, so, so frustrated with myself — will it set a precedent? Am I no longer the reliable go-to person? How the hell am I supposed to pay my dentist now? No wonder I take it all out on my teeth.
I’m going to go cry now.
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